Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all throughout the land, 
all the patriots were grateful their AR’s were not banned.
Their stocks are all collapsed too to fit in their safes, 
and they are wondering if descending a chimney Santa would chafe.
The patriots and their families were all tucked into bed, 
wondering if the new guns Santa would bring would be belt-fed?
With my Glock in my nightstand for an intruder I might cap, 
gives me peace of mind for a Christmas Eve nap.
When outside there came a great clamor, 
I grabbed my Creedmoor to investigate the matter.

I crept towards the ruckus without making a sound, 
to an upstairs window to get the high ground.
I beheld some tracks on the fresh new snow, 
then the moonlight silhouetted the creatures below. 
To my great astonishment I began to fear, 
a red laser sight coming from a deer.
It was getting crazy and happening so quick, 
my safety selector my finger did flick.

What happened next will forever cause me shame,
I calmed my breathing to take better aim.
The next event will make more infamous than Nixon,
I tested my magazine to ensure it was clicked in.
As I slacked the trigger forgetting the day was my downfall,
My gun recoiled and the deer dropped like the New Year’s Eve ball.

In split second the rest of the creatures launched to the sky,
I knew that instant I was now a bad guy.
Santa then appear from the sleigh his hat was askew,
From that moment on I knew I was in deep do-do.
Santa was real I needed no other proof,
On the naughty list forever due to my Christmas Eve Goof.

After a few deep breathes I began to calm down,
Outside I ventured to see what I shot down.
Across my lawn I trekked the snow crunched underfoot,
The deer did not move where it fell it stayed put.
My hand came to my forehead where it did smack,
My doctor I must call to get prescribed Prozac.

Because I shot Rudolf Santa was now my adversary,
What to do with Rudolf I thought culinary.
I grabbed Rudolf’s hind legs and towards my house I did tow,
Christmas dinner would be venison and baked potato.
I found my skinning knife and began to unsheathe,
For dessert Better Than Whatever Cake sprinkled with Heath.

Skinning Rudolf was all kinds of smelly,
To drink we would have apple Martinelli.
I needed a recipe so I wandered to the bookshelf,
On the naughty list forever I should indulge myself.
My disappointment was real a few tears I did shed,
My taxidermist I must call to mount Rudolf’s head.

My wife finally found me and she went berserk,
For shooting Rudolf she thought I was a real jerk.
Scolded me good, with her hands on hips pose,
We would get no gifts from Santa no shoes no guns no clothes.
My explanation about the scene to her seemed superficial,
That a deer would be sighting me with a red laser-guided missile.
Totally furious and completely filled with spite,
Eating Rudolf for Christmas dinner she agreed tasted just right.

48 Comments

Andrew Eichorst

Date 12/12/2019

Oh no I hoped you seasoned and tenderized Rudolph just right, having not done so would not be right! For Rudolph was only famous one foggy night and eating him for Christmas dinner sound just right.

Christian Barron

Date 12/23/2019 5:16:00 PM

Some Rudolf sounds very good

Carlton Peek

Date 12/21/2019 5:07:00 PM

Best laugh all year, enjoyed and Merry Christmas to ALL.

Kevin Kans

Date 12/21/2019 4:14:00 PM

SWEEPSTAKES

Shane Bohlsen

Date 12/20/2019 7:41:00 PM

Rudolph's nose is just perfect and well done cooked to 6.5°

Brian Sauls

Date 12/20/2019 4:17:00 PM

Rudolph is always good for dinner

Patrick 3

Date 12/20/2019 2:20:00 PM

Great! Merry Christmas

Greg

Date 12/18/2019 8:47:00 PM

Very nice poem.

bryan clayton

Date 12/17/2019 5:20:00 PM

Mmmmm.... veni

Erik Darden

Date 12/14/2019 1:02:00 PM

And..... This is why Santa now conceal carries. ??Merry Christmas Y’all!

Mark Irvine

Date 12/14/2019 11:30:00 AM

Poor Rudolph. But Great shot. Sounds like you will be well stock.....ed for winter

Rick rope

Date 12/14/2019 3:47:00 AM

Soooooo cool to bo this

James

Date 12/13/2019 5:57:00 AM

That was a great read lol. That took ome time to figure out.

Jordan

Date 12/12/2019 6:04:00 PM

Do you think I would write a 7 part series on how to cook a thanksgiving turkey and not season rudolf? I would have smoked him over oak wood for hours and likely used a seasoning by Meat Church or R Butts R Smoking

Jason Terrell

Date 12/12/2019

After we finished we ran outside, guns a blazing into the sky, what we saw next was truly profound, we accidentally shot Chris kringle down.

Patrick Fisher

Date 12/12/2019

My only question.... with raindeer do you crock pot them or a nice slow roast?

Robert Dunn

Date 12/13/2019 6:38:00 AM

Use a Camp Chef and Smoke theme... I would Use pecan wood with a little apple...

Randy Smith

Date 12/12/2019

This the season

Robert Dunn

Date 12/13/2019

I think the elf's have some thing for "chimney chafe." (its called Monkey Butt).... but I have always wondered what happened the one year when I gave him a 5lb bag of Sugar Free Gummy Bears. I have gotten Coal every year after that and he doesn't eat anything I leave out any more... This Year I'm getting my own presents From DTT (shameless plug) and hiding the coal in my wife's stocking...

Dennis Snow

Date 12/13/2019

Merry Christmas. What a wonderful read. Next year watch out Prancer You are next, the smoker will be looking for you.

Michael Livingston

Date 12/13/2019

Good thing Santa wasn't carrying a Dragunov! Next year, you may have to watch out for an air assault.

DANIEL SPIRITO

Date 12/13/2019

SWEEPSTAKES

Jeff Hicks

Date 12/13/2019

Sweepstakes

Colby mackley

Date 12/13/2019

Merry Christmas you filthy animal....

Roger

Date 12/13/2019

Fun

Travis Ryan

Date 12/13/2019

Definitely would've made some great jerky with Ruldof

james teall

Date 12/13/2019

as you see Santa kneeling in the snow next to Rudolf whos nose has no glow but that night there would be no one to lead because you made him into human feed for everybody to see I'm glad it wasn't me lol

David holly

Date 12/13/2019

Yummy yummy I have Christmas in my hart and with this upper I can have Ruldof in my tummy

Frankie Riggio

Date 12/13/2019

HARK! What do I hear? I grab my Glock 40 with stream light a glowing. Slowly I rack my 870. So I do not awake the children a sleep. Slowly I moved. Stepping out side in the snow. A flash of red caught my eye. As I turned. I tripped braking my TOE. For I forgot in my haste to capture. The man. To put my shoes on???? OH WELL MERRY CHRISTMAS. NEVER WAS A POETIC PERSON. BUT LOVE GUNS.

Frankie Riggio

Date 12/13/2019

HARK! What do I hear? I grab my Glock 40 with stream light a glowing. Slowly I rack my 870. So I do not awake the children a sleep. Slowly I moved. Stepping out side in the snow. A flash of red caught my eye. As I turned. I tripped braking my TOE. For I forgot in my haste to capture. The man. To put my shoes on???? OH WELL MERRY CHRISTMAS. NEVER WAS A POETIC PERSON. BUT LOVE GUNS.

Frankie Riggio

Date 12/13/2019

HARK! What do I hear? I grab my Glock 40 with stream light a glowing. Slowly I rack my 870. So I do not awake the children a sleep. Slowly I moved. Stepping out side in the snow. A flash of red caught my eye. As I turned. I tripped braking my TOE. For I forgot in my haste to capture. The man. To put my shoes on???? OH WELL MERRY CHRISTMAS. NEVER WAS A POETIC PERSON. BUT LOVE GUNS.

Frankie Riggio

Date 12/13/2019

HARK! What do I hear? I grab my Glock 40 with stream light a glowing. Slowly I rack my 870. So I do not awake the children a sleep. Slowly I moved. Stepping out side in the snow. A flash of red caught my eye. As I turned. I tripped braking my TOE. For I forgot in my haste to capture. The man. To put my shoes on???? OH WELL MERRY CHRISTMAS. NEVER WAS A POETIC PERSON. BUT LOVE GUNS.

Robert Johnson

Date 12/13/2019

Ho Ho a hunting I will go. Thru the Glen and the Dale it will be a Merry Christmas show .

Roger Burner

Date 12/13/2019

Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire!

Eric Dobbs

Date 12/13/2019

The Brightest Mount on the wall for sure!

Michael Hutcherson

Date 12/14/2019

Well lets see 5' 8", technically 5' 7 3/4", but lowers my BMI, broad shoulders and stocky.

Robert L Martin

Date 12/14/2019

Sweet. This the bestest thing ever. ????????

Jeffrey Jones

Date 12/21/2019 7:27:00 AM

Nice

Roger

Date 12/14/2019

Love this

Demetris Aldridge

Date 12/14/2019

Who going to lead Santa sled if Rudolph is on the dinner table? Lol

Lloyd Smale

Date 12/15/2019

why do I have to go on liberal facebook to enter a contest for a company that sells ar15 parts?? Ive bought quite a bit from you. Why cant I enter to win something?????

Jd

Date 12/24/2019 5:53:00 PM

Just what I was thinking. I don't do social media at all

DTT Marketing

Date 12/15/2019 10:47:00 PM

Lloyd you just inspired the next contest we are doing. It will launch around New Years, thank you

Roger

Date 12/15/2019

Fun

Roger

Date 12/16/2019

Fun

Jeffrey Jones

Date 12/21/2019 7:22:00 AM

Great poem

Roger

Date 12/17/2019

Fun fun

Roger

Date 12/17/2019

Fun fun

Roger

Date 12/17/2019

Fun fun

Levi Cook

Date 12/17/2019

Did you at least have a tag if not the next visitor will be game and fish if not

Levi Cook

Date 12/17/2019

Did you at least have a tag if not the next visitor will be game and fish if so good eatings to you

Roger

Date 12/18/2019

Yep

Randy

Date 12/18/2019

Ho, Ho , NO!

Roger

Date 12/19/2019

Please PleasePleasePlease

Ryan deemer

Date 12/20/2019

Merry Christmas everyone

Mike

Date 12/20/2019

Nice poem

Roger

Date 12/20/2019

Real gun

KenFoster

Date 12/20/2019

You know maybe there is a diamond in the coal he will bring you!

Jam SUMMERS

Date 12/22/2019

M Christmas 6.5

Rudy

Date 12/22/2019

Would like to win this.

victor arcelay

Date 12/22/2019

Vrry nice

Robert Mckeever

Date 12/23/2019

Great poem

Matt Sheppick

Date 12/23/2019

Ha thats funny stuff, for sure LOL

Roger

Date 12/23/2019

This contest has been a blast.

James Robertson

Date 12/23/2019

Funny stuff right there!

Thomas Tew

Date 12/26/2019

Send me a nice prize and I won’t turn you in for shooting a deer at night.

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